Another Slovak Joke, because the last one was so hilarious...

An Irishman, a Russian and a Slovak decide to see which national alcohol is the strongest. So they set up a single chair (for a vision test) in a room and start drinking their national booze.

The Irishman downs a bottle of whiskey and declares "I can see two chairs."

The Russian downs a bottle of vodka and declares "I can see four chairs."

The Slovak downs a bottle of slivovica and asks "Which row?"

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I laughed at this one. It's funnier if you have tried slivovica.

A Slovak joke...

Two Americans walk into a restaurant in Moscow, sit down and order some food and two coffees. After the waiter serves them two coffees, a monkey jumps on the table and breaks an egg into each of their coffees.

They ask the waiter "do you know why the monkey put eggs in our coffee?"

The waiter says, "I've only worked here for a year, so I don't know. You should ask the chef, he has been here for five years."

The two Americans ask the chef "do you know why the monkey put eggs in our coffee?"

The chef says, "I've only worked here for five years, so I don't know. You should ask the band, they have been here for ten years."

The two Americans ask the band "do you know why the monkey put eggs in our coffee?"

The band leader says of course, and they start to play the song "Why the monkey put eggs in our coffee."

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Slovaks laugh hysterically at this joke. There must be a cultural humour gap.

Why are you learning English?

I haven't updated this in a while. Mostly because I'm having way too much fun living in a foreign country.

This post is sepcifically about my first week as a teacher. While meeting my students, I asked them to tell me, "why are you learning English?" Really I didn't care what the answer was, I was just asking because I want to hear them speak so I know how advanced they are.

But I did make note of the responses, because I found them funny. You may not find them funny. That is just too bad because this is my blog...

1. My parents are making me do it.

2. I want to travel to Greece.

3. I want to live in Australia.

4. I wasn't very good at French.

5. I want to know what Green Day are saying in their lyrics.

6. I want to know what people are typing in Counterstrike.

7. I want to play hockey.

8. I want to compete in a Los Angeles table tennis match.

9. I want to read Charles Dickies. (This is not a typo)

10. I like British women.

11. I like Pamela Anderson.

12. I want to visit Moose Jaw. (I'm not making this up)

13. I want to study English in University, in Russia.

14. I want to study English in University, in Slovakia.

15. I want to study English in University, in America.

16. I want to live in Jamaica.

17. English is easy.

18. I hate German.

The last one, #18, was probably the most popular answer. Remember that my students range in age from 10 to 45. I'm not going to tell you who said what, it's just funnier if you guess.

No one has any common sense (and neither do you for that matter)

And I'm probably just as guilty...

We're all a bunch of miserable failures. Failures because we are completely unable to access that which we claim is so very common. It occurs to me, the more and more things I do and see other people do, that common knowledge is as about as common as seeing a koala bear in my shower. As cute as that would be, it almost never happens.

Common sense is so called because anybody can get it. Sure pedestrians have the right of way, but if the car hits you, you lose. Everyone should be aware of this. People have to get off the bus before you can get on. If you stand in the way, you get stepped on and... you lose. It isn't rocket science. Attacking an armed police officer while handcuffed? I shouldn't have to tell you that: you lose.

Now people can more or less grasp these concepts, even if they don't apply them and end up being beaten to a bloody pulp. The real tragedy I've noticed is that common sense can't seem to save us from someone else telling us we need something then wasting half of our lives looking for it.

I'm not talking about advertising making us buy a particular product, although our desire to have "things" has led us into debt and personal ruin on more than one occasion. Instead it seems we are forcing ourselves to accept the unachievable concepts that really don't come from anywhere in particular.

They aren't so much concepts that are dictated to us, just hints and suggestions along the way that somehow prompt us to plan the next 20 years of our lives based on a particular construct or model. They're all false constructs and everyone knows this but can't seem to shake it.

There is a clear difference between embracing the moment and buying a construct. One of this will get you success, one of these will doom you to failure. Guess which? Use your common sense.

You can't get around the moment, it is the now, it is what you are doing. But when you consider the moment to be the beginning of your future for the next five, ten or twenty years, then you have set yourself up for a world of hurt. You want a job, you apply for it. You did it, it is the now, you could get it. It sucks? Quit it, get a new one. Of course you can... you always fucking can. You want to date this girl over here? Ask her out. She's annoying? Dump her. See a pattern?

This is what it is, try it. Doesn't work? Try something else. Get it? It happened, it is still happening. It is going to happen some more. No prison here.

What's that? You've planned to have this one job for the rest of your life. To the exclusion of everything else? Well you're fucked. You lose. This girl you are dating, you planned to have kids with her five years from now then retire to some... place... or something? Well you are fucked, you lose.

Any of these "dreams" clearly exclude the moment for what it is: a moment that passes. It is impossible to assume that these things can work out with any expectation of all requirements being met. You cannot plan beyond what you are doing now because you are not doing it yet. So either do it now or do something else. But no, you figure it can work out this way, you need to have two kids by the time you are thirty. Oh you only had one. Well you didn't accomplish that, feel sad and forget about the wonderful moment where you had that one. Dumbass. You wanted to marry that girl and she just dumped your ass, well that's too bad. Especially since you wasted your precious moments planning out the next 50 years with precision and ignorance of every moment and what you were fucking doing now.

To hell with this, I'm boring. I'm going to go do some stuff.

Where are we now?